Ode to the Grannymobile

Published on: December 30th, 2012 Written by:

You never fully appreciate the link between man and machine until you’ve got to put one or the other down.

Such was the case as I watched my 3014lbs of slightly rusting metal get hitched up to the back of a flatbed and sent on it’s final ride to meet a swift death.

The Grannymobile was so named for it’s previous owner – a 95 yr. grandmother who was simply too old to keep driving it. List price was 1200. 383fury, director of LTV fleet services, jewed them down to $800. Not bad for what was at the time a 12 year old car. That was 6 years ago.

A 95′ Buick Century, it was definitely the sort of car a grandmother would drive. This made it ideal for every crime it was involved in thereafter. Completely nondescript, with next to nothing on it to make it quickly identifiable. It was ugly enough that no one would even consider stealing it. Parking in the ghetto? No problem. Parking inside abandoned buildings? Sure, why not. At $800 in value, who cares?

Missions upon missions. it’s first mission was a trip to Philly right after I bought it, to party at the infamous Byberry psych center. the next few years saw weekend after weekend of missions around NYC, and still more around the northeast. From Pennsatucky, to Washington DC to Maine. Whenever I was inside some spot I just broke into and the car was outside, I’d find a way to get it in a shot.

It was also practically ticket-proof. Blowing through EZpass lanes with no cash in the account? No problem. 90mph in a 65? Here’s a seat belt ticket for a fraction of the value and no court date or points. Though when a small town cop pulled me over because he thought the inspection sticker was old (it wasn’t, we went on our way) – that became a concern. This car was aging, and with less of them on the road in the NYC area, it was starting to stick out a little. You never want to stick out. Fly under the radar. Save being a bad ass big mouth for some time other than when you’re doing something actually illegal.

Finally in the spring of ’12 it started to choke on what we believed was a load of bad gasoline. Then the power windows died, and died again 6 hours after being fixed. The camshaft sensor went haywire, causing it to stall when idling. That electrical issue spread to something else – perhaps the starter or idle controller. It just kept farting and stalling after 3 weeks of tinkering. Finally it died at a Pep Boys parking lot. they tried to revive it, but it moved all of 10 feet before dying again. It past the threshold from being problematic to ridiculous. At least it died in a parking lot, in the city where pub trans was across the street.

It was what it was, it went it did, and now it’s done. And so it goes. Grannycar, you’ll be missed so. Thanks for the memories.

3 responses to “Ode to the Grannymobile”

  1. Angel 10 says:

    Yeah, i’m still ridin a 96 Corolla. It’s very suitable for bombing missions or would you expect a bunch of cans in the trunk of gramps car?
    Anyway, if you don’t know what to do if it’s broken, just ask these guys;

  2. Control says:

    I should have had a demo derby with it when it started to get bad. Maybe take it for a spin crashing into the walls at Benbow, which I believe isn’t that far from where them Grimer shots were taken.

    No cop ever looked at me in that car like I was up to no good. If I had space I’d buy another beater just for missions. Instead I’ve got a nondescript yuppie car that’s popular enough to be on every other block.

  3. nailhed says:

    an ideal follow up car to that would be a 2001 Century.
    i had one for a while that allowed me to blend in so well that sometimes even I couldnt find it! haha, plus it was comfy as shit and the cd player still worked. not too shabby on MPG either.

    unfortunately you cant use it to go offroad drag extremely heavy objects around by a chain, so i had to upgrade to a piece of shit 1990s truck.

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    Control knows more about the NYC underground than anyone else on or below the surface of this planet. He has spent nearly 30 years sneaking into NYC's more forbidden locations. When not underground, he's probably bitching about politicians or building something digital. 
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