Ode to the GrannymobilePublished on: December 30th, 2012 Written by: Control
You never fully appreciate the link between man and machine until you’ve got to put one or the other down.
Such was the case as I watched my 3014lbs of slightly rusting metal get hitched up to the back of a flatbed and sent on it’s final ride to meet a swift death.
The Grannymobile was so named for it’s previous owner – a 95 yr. grandmother who was simply too old to keep driving it. List price was 1200. 383fury, director of LTV fleet services, jewed them down to $800. Not bad for what was at the time a 12 year old car. That was 6 years ago.
A 95′ Buick Century, it was definitely the sort of car a grandmother would drive. This made it ideal for every crime it was involved in thereafter. Completely nondescript, with next to nothing on it to make it quickly identifiable. It was ugly enough that no one would even consider stealing it. Parking in the ghetto? No problem. Parking inside abandoned buildings? Sure, why not. At $800 in value, who cares?
Missions upon missions. it’s first mission was a trip to Philly right after I bought it, to party at the infamous Byberry psych center. the next few years saw weekend after weekend of missions around NYC, and still more around the northeast. From Pennsatucky, to Washington DC to Maine. Whenever I was inside some spot I just broke into and the car was outside, I’d find a way to get it in a shot.
It was also practically ticket-proof. Blowing through EZpass lanes with no cash in the account? No problem. 90mph in a 65? Here’s a seat belt ticket for a fraction of the value and no court date or points. Though when a small town cop pulled me over because he thought the inspection sticker was old (it wasn’t, we went on our way) – that became a concern. This car was aging, and with less of them on the road in the NYC area, it was starting to stick out a little. You never want to stick out. Fly under the radar. Save being a bad ass big mouth for some time other than when you’re doing something actually illegal.
Finally in the spring of ’12 it started to choke on what we believed was a load of bad gasoline. Then the power windows died, and died again 6 hours after being fixed. The camshaft sensor went haywire, causing it to stall when idling. That electrical issue spread to something else – perhaps the starter or idle controller. It just kept farting and stalling after 3 weeks of tinkering. Finally it died at a Pep Boys parking lot. they tried to revive it, but it moved all of 10 feet before dying again. It past the threshold from being problematic to ridiculous. At least it died in a parking lot, in the city where pub trans was across the street.
It was what it was, it went it did, and now it’s done. And so it goes. Grannycar, you’ll be missed so. Thanks for the memories.
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