Lion Lady on the Run
Remember that women who hopped in the Lion cage at the Bronx Zoo? Cops are still after her! I didn’t believe that shit until my boy Fab sent the the wanted poster (above). Cops have nothing else to do but try and chase down a crazy woman for committing a victimless, non-crime. How is this worth a detectives time? I literally want to call and ask. “Hello? Is this Generic White Guy Name? Yez Sir I just saw Myah she on the roof of your station gesticulating and evaluating, expressing frustration at your failed determination!”
Anyway, Lion Lady’s got a name: Myah Autry, or: “Queen Empress Myáh Lareé Israelite”. My girl so bad ass she posted selfies with cops in Times Square a few days after the zoo incident. Of course she’s on the Gram and posted a flames rap video. Cardi better look out cuz unlike her Myah ain’t afraid of big cats!
You’re not invited!
“The Joker Stairs” in the Bronx have become a tourist attraction, much to the chagrin of neighborhood residents who see all these white people showing up in taxis, taking some photos and running back to their cabs. At least one resident decided some of these people needed some Air Mail, while the extremely white privileged commenters over at a certain garbage anti-union rich fanboy news site think Bronx residents should “get over it”. Honestly I hope all these insta-tourists get a *nice* Bronx welcome, if for no other reason than movies about incel white terrorists are exactly the wrong message we need in society. Go back to Park Slope you selfie-taking suckers.
Stolen Car Graveyard found on Staten Island
Honestly, I never heard of this spot. That’s quite the collection of very old 1970s cars right there—you can almost smell the hair gel of all the mullet-headed trash goons that dumped these stolen cars here instead of being real crooks and bringing in for the chop.
FREE GUNS!
Apparently crooks hide guns all over the place in Paterson, NJ—even in and around bandos. Sneak in that shit, find them guns, then rob the crooks before they get you! Now that’s Urbexing!
Cali On Fire, now with Blackouts!
Question for all you Cali explorers out there: y’all taking advantage of these blackouts and huge fires to hit some spots? Over here in the Northeast we waiting on them snow days. Purge 2019/2020 betta be coming!
Analogous Adventure: Street racing in NYC.
There’s not much press coverage of NYC’s street racing scene, but I’m impressed how big it has exploded in the last ten years. This NY Post article does a good job documenting it. I’m honestly pretty pissed about the speed bumps they put in on Review ave. I’ve happened across street races there for years, often on my way back from doing some kind of crime of my own. Pulling over to watch was always a fun way to round out the night. I’ve got no connection to this scene, but plenty of respect.
Learn all the NYPD’s secrets for the price of a milkshake.
Attention any and all females with big racks who have worked in the sex trade: Apparently that’s all you need to go explore the deepest, most secretive floors of NYPD Headquarters. Got Milk?
MTA GOING YOUR WAY
Governor MTA thinks overtime costs are a real problem but he’s just going to stand there and talk about it because he’s totally not in charge of the MTA, because remember folks: The MTA is a Fiction.
Speaking of being in charge, Cuomo’s ‘fare evasion crackdown’ is resulting in dozens of social media reports of people being harassed, arrested or ticketed just for trying to get around NYC. In one incident, at least ten cops were involved in the violent arrest of an alleged farebeater. Apparently they thought his pants were filled with doughnuts. #DadJokes. Oh shush you know you love it.
Seriously though, having several of the cops pointed their loaded firearms at this subway car filled with commuters locked inside is literally the most Cuomo thing ever. The buck stops with Captain Racism, and actions speak louder than the gabagool babbling from his Italian piehole.
Meanwhile, one of them workers who Cuomo often hates on saved a man’s life by stopping his train before what would have been a very gruesome death.
OMFG SECRET TUNNELS
So let’s talk “secret tunnels”. This time of year, it is as if they all spawn public entrances in an attempt to gobble up people afraid of the dark. So let’s rattle down the list: There’s one under a theater in Virginia. Another under a hotel in Chicago, leading to a bar Al Capone owned. A Colorado college building that was once part of a brewery has some interesting well maintained catacombs, and there are more over in Pueblo. Not international enough for you? How about some spooky catacombs in Brexitland?
Too much? Now imagine me all week sifting through these articles like seriously is this even worthy? If I see one more god damned article about someone’s basement being called a catacomb imma gunna haveta post more random gifs here.
On a way more interesting secret tunnel note, The Berlin Wall had some smuggler tunnels under it. Those who built them were a highly secretive group known as diggers: 1960s versions of urban explorers, only with more shovels 🙂
OH DAMN BISH YOU GOING TO JAIL!!
THIRTEEN people were arrested in Anchorage, Alaska, apparently for exploring some random ass bando building. Their ages ranged from a teenage girl to a sixty year old male. Was this a UER furry meet up? And how bored were the cops, ending enough officers to create a solid perimeter, with a K-9 to bite an attempted escape and then go in and search the joint? I guess NYC ain’t the only place with too many cops.
A more deserving arrest went down when a Louisiana man was caught for setting a bando bar on fire. Motherfucker better not have wasted any Whiskey!
Meanwhile cops in Austin rounded up and arrested several people living in a drain tunnel. Wow. So tough on crime. Much Amaze.
File Under NIMBY
Texas is just a fucked up place this week. Some snotty motherfuckers in Houston are crying about some houses that don’t look so good. What ever happened to Texas being full of tough guy bad asses who don’t give a fuck and will shoot anything that moves, even their hunting buddies? Don’t like those bandos next door? Shoot em up. You in Texas act like it!
Bandos Saved
A currently abandoned school in Eugene, OR is being rebuilt. Break in now before it’s just another institutional learning facility where you can’t get a Pepsi. Just one Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me!
Be inspired by this man who bought a ‘bando house in Detroit and spent a few months fixing it up.
Me? I’m eyeballin’ this sweat ‘bando school in Kansas. Priced at $16,500, how could you not want this one? It’s located not far from Cawker City, home to the worlds largest ball of twine!
Add it to your map.
The Astrodome down in Houston is an abandoned mess, and will probably stay that way for awhile longer. Just thought you should know.
ONE LESS BANDO!
You hate to see it: The old coal fired Sunbury generating station in PA was imploded last Friday morning.
Bando BBQ!
An awesome old bando church caught fire in Moline, Illinois. Stupid arsonists are the likely culprit.
This Texas bando just keeps on erupting in flames. It’s magic I tells yuh! A former vape shop somewhere burned up. Popcorn Lung that shit. Firefighters in Dayton, Ohio saved a woman from a house fire, and she immediately left the scene, saying “Fuck this shit I don’t give interviews”—ok that last part is bullshit but that would be so much more bad ass. It is assumed she was squatting in this bando and accidentally burned that shit down. No word on if she’s related to Myah Autry.
Closer to home, an old school in Colonie, NY got a little toasty last week. It looks like a pretty decent building to go explore, though them cops will probably be eyeing it more now. Same goes for another upstate bando hotel whose owner went away to Jail. No word on if they found the dead hookers yet. Wait, what?
Programming Notes
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Fucken White People.
So yeah get a load of this shit: You can now do yoga in some ‘catacombs’ in Indianapolis. And you know what? I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Next thing you know we’ll have Pilates classes in the fucken East New York freight tunnel. You fucking hipster motherfuckers just need to stop.
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Hiya Bad Guy Joe!
The piece on street racin.
Nothin can compare with the “Connecting Highway” (BQE) in Astoria.
2 overpasses were a 1/4 mile apart.
Ther roadway, at this point, is below grade.
On Friday & Saturday nights, 60’s & 70’s, it was common to see a hundred or more “spectators” watchin the races down below.
Food trucks did a great business.
FDNY one night hung lines over the side and flooded the road with a few inches of water to stop the racin!
Maybe its still goin on there?
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Woah, never heard about the fire dept. flooding it. These days that stretch of highway doesn’t seem any racing, though this latest race scene sometimes blocks highways here and there to do a quick race or three before the cops show up.