Trash Panda Takeover
Raccoons are frequenting the NYC subway system more and more, and unfortunately some of them get hit by trains and cause delays. I wonder if they can be track safety qualified? The subways need more fluffy trash monsters to gobble up all the rubbish and prevent track fires. Which one of you nerds wants to set that up?
Death By Train
The cruel reality of working the rails is that train operators are significantly more likely to witness someone die than most first responders. The Philadelphia Inquirer has a rare story on this situation, which rarely gets much press. The thinking behind many transit agencies is to not talk about it, to discourage copycat suicides.
Of course not all of them are suicides. Just this last week, a hot female Ukrainian boxing champ died when she crossed some tracks wearing headphones.
Subway Surfer Dies
Speaking of train deaths, a Subway Surfer died this past Saturday night while climbing between cars on the 7 train just outside Queensboro Plaza. I actually witnessed the commotion at the scene and decided against going to photography it. The victim was a 14 year old boy named Eric. There were reports on Citizen App of someone subway surfing just a few stops down the line two or three hours before this happened, and it seems like the two incidents were related. No word on if this relate to another surfer on the 7 just a few days before. During that incident, MTA workers spotted the surfer and there’s video of him riding on top.
So here’s where I do the old guy thing: Bad Guy Joe don’t surf. Subway surfing can be a fun thrill ride BUT, as with all things train related, you need to know the territory. Queens Plaza was a shit spot to try and surf. Any location where there are tunnels or low clearance areas are very stupid places to surf. It was just about to start raining hard too. Never surf in the rain. Metal becomes way more slippery, and grease and grime on the trains makes it worse. Know the territory. This is a dangerous game and it’s illegal/against the rules for obvious reasons. If you want to do shady adventurey things, you gotta know what you’re getting into.
All that said, this kid was 14. Just two years younger than this graffiti dude Spook I knew who passed when I was 16. When you’re a teen you don’t know what your limits are. Hopefully other surfers or surf-curious folks will see this and be super careful going forward. Or just don’t do it. Life is all choices, so choose well.
Kingston Cave Death
A SUNY New Paltz student died when she fell off a cliff near the large caves up in Kingston, NY. There will probably be a crackdown against visiting this spot for awhile, so be warned, and pour one out for another adventurer gone too soon.
AYE FIGGITABOUT IT!!!
Have you heard about the mobster in Italy who built a secret bunker that is only accessible via climbing through a PIZZA OVEN???!!! When it comes to sneaky ass shit us Goombahs know how to get it done.
Bando Porn
Business Insider is an unlikely place to find bando porn, yet here is a hot tour of an amazing looking military base not far from Berlin.
Schooling Corpses
Gary, Indiana is definitely the type of place where finding a dead body in an abandoned school would happen. Gary has a few abandoned schools, and unsurprisingly is having some trouble selling them off.
ATTACK OF THE 210 FOOT FATBERG
Sewer workers in the UK found a 210 foot fatberg, and you’ll never guess what happened next!
Bando Mall Reuse
Here’s a surprisingly interesting article about the reuse of abandoned malls. Megachurches and homeless shelters in former malls? Who would have guessed?
Willy B Climber
According to social media and Citizen app reports, NYPD swarmed around the Williamsburg bridge last Thursday around 4:30 pm, attempting to catch a reported person wearing all black, climbing around the bridge. Rush hour traffic was snarled as cops on boats, trucks and a helicopter tried in vain to find this apparent shoot-and-dash adventurer. Here’s to hope he or she is never caught.
OH NOES URBEXORZ!
The fine editorial staff at the Texarkana Gazette want to remind y’all that shooo-wee, exploring is dangerous! They end their opinion piece by stating “There’s an old saying that curiosity killed the cat. Don’t let it do the same to you.”. Well, let this northern socialist point out that laws don’t apply to cats.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go throw up a hairball by your water cooler.
OH NOES BANDOS!
A broken up squatted in and trashed sounding bando in the town of Harlingen, Texas has locals all up in arms.
OH DAMN! Those NIMBYS are losing their shit just outside of Chicago, where a 300 acre, multi-building abandoned mental health facility is being destroyed by scrappers and looted by explorers. Apparently the state owns the property, and instead of selling it, have told town officials to go fuck themselves. Suits us just fine. y’all gotta LOOT that place hard now!
South Carolina’s really attempting to clean up its garbage bandos. This time, the town of Yemassee is getting funding to bulldoze up bubba’s old trailer.
Meanwhile, in Detroit, the City Council has rejected a quarter billion dollar “blight removal’ bond proposal from the cities mayor, citing extensive corruption with past demolition plans. Good. Just leave the grime where it is. The grime and decay is what makes Detroit awesome.
Bando BBQ!
A garbage little church in San Antonio fell into the fiery abyss last week. The same fate was bestowed upon a former baptist church in Macon, GA. Meanwhile, a bando fire slowed down traffic on I-70 in Denver. Maybs y’all shoulda taken the train?
Salt Lake City apparently hasn’t figured out that bando fires just lead to more bando fires. Firefighters had to revisit a decaying apartment building where they put out a blaze just a few months back. Maybe third time will be the charm? A day later, they had to deal with yet another bando house fire.
California has a serious arson problem this last week. One took out part of an East Hollywood medical facility, while another had some fun at an abandoned apartment building. Arsonists also seemed to have struck at a massive former office building in Van Nuys. Fire crews arrived quickly only to find all five floors on fire. Homeless people live in the parking lot of this building but a fire like this was too big and spread too fast not to be arson. One must wonder if all of these weren’t set by one and the same person?
Meanwhile down in Palm Desert, it sounds like some derpy squatters accidentally toasted their spot.
A bando in Shelbyville, Indiana got a bit toasty last week. Firefighters helped rescue a few cars and a boat from the flames. No word on if Homer Simpson set the blaze.
An old jail in Jefferson City got heated up last week as well. If you’re passing through mizzou ya better go see this before it’s gone. Or, if you’re in Michigan, this closed nursing home in Bixby recently lit up a room. The rest might be worth exploring…
Closer to home, one of those rare NYC squatter houses in a far corner of Queens caught fire, killing three occupants. NYC on a whole is doing a pretty garbage job of addressing homeless issues, and this is just one more sad example. On the same night, firefighters in Massachusetts came across two corpses at a boarded up bando.
*Footnote* Every week, all across the country, there are random fires in bandos. I never really noticed this until starting this newsletter—the clear pattern of causation is either squatters or unknown arsonists. In the three months this newsletter has existed, I’ve yet to see a followup story where an arsonist was actually caught. Sometimes this section feels like a long list of random fires, but the pattern feels like one that needs documenting.
International Update
Too lazy to go find the Pee Tape and visit Chernobyl? I get it. You can check out some bando porn of the reactor and nearby city of Pyripat on the google maps.
Protesters in Iraq are still holding down a Bando in Baghdad, using it for their resistance headquarters. They have actually done an amazing job turning this building from a complete wreck into a functional space. Apparently they took it because it is high ground, and didn’t want Iraqi security forces using it as a sniper position!
A boy was killed in India when the bando house he and others were staying in collapsed. The grim reality of poverty is a universal language of sadness.
An old movie theater in Montreal is annoying it’s NIMBY neighbors. Fuck them. Blight is Right!
There is now an underground farm in Brexitland because soon we all gunna be living that bunker life. Perhaps you can build your own when you buy this 14 room former convent that is rumored to have a secret tunnel. If that’s not bando enough for you, here’s a nice decaying theater to get all up in.
Cork. I’ve long been fascinated by this Irish city with an oddball name. Apparently it has just a few bandos. Eager to get back over and visit some fam there.
If you happen by Calgary, Canada, there is a neighborhood with great views of the city and some fancy looking abandoned houses that are apparently unlocked and decaying away.
AND THAT’S A WRAP.
And thank god for that eh? This felt like a really grim week for adventure. Too many people dying too soon, and too many bandos being torched by nefarious flame lovers. Keep your head on this holiday weekend, and be thankful for friends fam and the limited time we’ve got on this dirtball planet. Just don’t forget to think green and properly handle that leftover turkey grease!
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— Thanks for all the news Joe! —
Anytime, these updates are usually pretty fun to write so they’ll be coming nearly every week.