QUEENS BRIDGE INCEL LOSER CLIMBER
Ok by now you all know the story but IT’S SO MUCH MORE WORSE.
Last Thursday, an attention thirsty incel loser livestreamed his partial climb up the Queensboro bridge at rush hour. I’ve watched the full hour and a half video so you don’t have to (how much do I love y’all?). Defo some of the most trash shit I’ve ever watched.
First up, Smooth is not an explorer. The first few minutes of the video is just him wandering around and insulting the staff of Humane Society of New York, calling a POC vet tech a racist, and claiming dog owners are ‘animal fuckers’. We’re dealing a class act right here, someone either raised by trash or severely mentally disturbed. Clearly he was never dropped on his head growing up because that would imply someone cared to pick him up.
As he wanders, He calls the Queensboro Bridge “The Queens Bridge”, and doesn’t even know if it has a walkway. He has to lick a cops boots to get directions to the walkway. As he walks up the bridge it becomes apparent that he has absolutely no clue what he’s doing. He purposely walks in the bike lane and gets elbowed by one cyclist and has at least seven close calls with others. He passes the locked tower hatch (the best way to access the top of the bridge) three times and has no idea it is right there.
Twenty two minutes into the video, he finally starts climbing. All his live viewers immediately start telling him to jump. As he climbs he claims helicopters will be inbound, that he’s going to go troll ‘beta simps’ after, and he won’t jump because Eliot Rodgers (the piece of shit incel murderer) is his hero. Only after getting up some of the beams, forty minutes into the video, does he finally realizes there’s no way for him to get to the top from where he is. It’s a metaphor for the entire right wing ideology right there.
The NYPD doesn’t show up until the :59 minute mark. He’s been on the bridge for nearly forty minutes. Talk about response time eh? FORTY MINUTES. This is very valuable intel for us explorers – the only good thing in this video. I always tell you all that NYPD response time is garbage. Now you’ve got more solid video proof.
In the end, he cooperates with the cops like a good little boot licking, right wing moron. A smart man would have stayed out of bookings. Instead he has disappeared into the system (as of my writing this on Sunday evening). Is he still being held on psychiatric evaluation? Is he still in the tombs? His name hasn’t shown up in WebCrims, which either means one of the above options, or he’s only 17 (or less) and his records may not appear on that public portal (also possible that the press has his first name wrong?). He has not been on any of his varied social media accounts.
For his efforts, he earned somewhere around $295.04 via donations during the livestream. The majority of that came via $2 donations from clowns who wanted to stream racist nonsense through a speaker he was wearing. Some of his fans paid the two bucks so the speaker would tell anyone who could hear it that Sanchez is a molester that loves small children. Great fans you got their bro.
His parents will have to hire him a lawyer. He’ll likely get slapped with community service and a hefty fine, assuming he’s not hit hard with assault charges (more on that in a sec). The self described Content King of New York is now the Brokeass Virgin King of New York, maybe chained to a bed or locked in a cell licking boots and being fed stale bologna sandwiches.
Even before his climb, Smooth had a Reddit thread following his gross antics. He also faces assault charges for pepper spraying a woman earlier last week. He has reportedly stalked African American women, jewish women and has mocked BLM. Even if he’s still a minor, there’s really no reason not to hit someone like this with serious charges or rehab. He’s literally wandering around the city trying to start fights and pepper-spraying people. If he’s not locked down somewhere, he’s going to run into the wrong person and learn a hard lesson. This is NYC. We already hate Trumpers. Violent crimes are up. Everyone is on that edge, some of us are carrying weapons again, and we’re all ready to rip strangers heads for fucking with us.
Sidebar: elected officials are now looking to up the penalties for climbing bridges again. That’s not really a big concern for us real explorers who know how not to get caught. Is he ‘ruining the game for everyone else’? Nah. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard that over a lifetime in this game and it has never stopped anyone real.
Moral of the story? When you are actual trash, even your ‘fans’ are not going to bail you out. They’re going to tell you to Jump.
What’s The Goss?!
This week’s LOL goes out to this absolute idiot who thought a Banksy was worth anything at all.
If you’re in Boston and not getting your weather from this amazing website, YOU NEED TO REPENT 2 UR WEATHER LORDZ.
Y’all heard about this dude who ripped off the feds for over a million dollars? Great hustle but maybe don’t rap and post about it until a few years later my dude!
ASS: Assorted Subway Shenanigans
False & co. absolutely smashed an L train stop with graff, resulting in multiple media reports. Bring that gritty shit back!
The MTA revealed a very cool looking subway map last week that features real time data on train locations. It has been billed as also showing subway routes relation to the street grid below or above, and as with most things MTA, I’ve noticed quite a few kinks. If ya can’t get those details, is the train day accurate? Hopefully they have a plan to iterate on this map in the days, weeks and months ahead. It’s a great idea, but it can be better.
That New Tunnel Smell
National Grid’s shitty Fracked Gas pipeline through Brooklyn is finally getting more attention, and has now been the scene of protests. Good. Shut this trash down. Also: the portions that were completed will make for a great bando!
Been awhile since we’ve seen a cross border drug tunnel discovery. This one started out inside a drain.
Shorty’s Short Shorts
The great fatbergs are rising from the sewer patches to flood the streets of Northern Ireland & Michigan with toxic goo and remind boys and girls that y’all are some gross ass motherfuckers.
Pour one out for the explorer who apparently fell to his death in an abandoned hospital in Miami Gardens, FL. Or better still, if you’ve got some coin, his fam needs some help getting him a proper burial.
Salt Lake City is likely to move on it’s bandos like a bitch. What’s more gross, these words or gubbermint messing with people’s hand crafted artisanal bandos? DECAY IS ART!
Reminder that one of Trump’s garbage little casinos in Atlantic City is soon to be completely destroyed.
A tunnel under Detroit you say?
Bando BBQ
A massive old factory in Rockford burned to the ground. Fuuuucked up.
International Update
Eight Urbexors were fined in the UK for breaking social distancing norms by drinking at a local abandoned pub. What’s the problem with the lads needing a good cracc? Fuck Boris Johnson!
Should someone make a game about Fatbergs? (!)
Residents of Asbestos, Canada are going to rename their formerly fireproof town.
Dark Day Review
If you get arrested in NYC, you might have to buy a fake ID in order to get your government papers back.
LOL an Ex NYPD Cop got suspended from his new teaching gig for presenting a racist ass lesson AND having a racist ass NYPD record. Fire his ass and let him move to Florida.
Meanwhile, cops are out stealing PPE being handed out to voters and campaigning for Trump using their patrol car’s speakers—both crimes of course. The NYPD answers to no one in this city, because DeBlasio and Corey Johnson are not in charge.
Speaking of weak centralist trash, Nancy Pelosi wants to be house speaker again and seriously fuck her and her performative politics. AOC should be speaker. DEADASS.
And to end on a significantly more positive note, Rudy Ghooliani and his RedNeck Taliban got a nice warm welcome in NYC, with their flags stolen, cars egged, and one neo-nazi family pepper sprayed. Looking good boppers. Want to be racist? Stay the fuck out of this anarchist jurisdiction! WE WILL KILL YOU!
And that’s a Wrap:
Why is there something called the New York Adventure Club that doesn’t seem to go on any real adventures? SHOTS FIRED!
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